Studio appointment #1 for the July/August holiday season: Saturday August 5th, 2017. 4 pm. KEPT! :-)
From the beginning. Friday night, I should have left Trinidad at 5.25 pm. The flight was delayed and we never boarded until after 7 pm. I got home (to my grandfather's house in Tobago) late and went to bed late also.
I slept all morning. Woke around 11.25 am with stomach acid refluxing on my cords, because when I woke my head was flat and off the pillow. I made sure to meditate using online site calm.com. I did 20 minutes in total. I had nothing to eat but milk and corn flakes with muesli and flax seed for breakfast. Well, lunch, given the time. I tried my best to get the dairy-caused mucus/phlegm off my vocal folds by gargling with salty lukewarm water. I tried to reduce any swelling and irritation caused by acid reflux by sipping ginger tea, as zingiber officinale is my voice's 'Popeye's spinach' weapon.
I left too late to go see wedding venues with an engaged girlfriend and her fiancé, but I got to the studio early, at 3.10. I sat there breathing slowly and warming up that diaphragm as the rain began falling. My producer's son came to tell me to come inside, but I knew the a/c was too cold for warming up in.
I walked into the studio at 3.55 pm. We started a little after 4 pm. I still, at 36, after 10 years of on and off in and out of studio experience, feel unprepared and blank going into a studio. I know how to prepare to sing live. Preparing to sing and record singing is still very weird for me: the dark room, the damping fabric, the huge playback speakers. But today, I felt more comfortable than I have ever felt before. I showed my producer how to play inversions with my song's chord progression. He let me play some pizzicato arpeggios that were my idea that came out of his idea.
I found myself not only practising the process of recorded music as a craft, but talking about what I wanted to see for my country and how the sounds I requested were reflecting those desires. I found myself noticing imperfections, deficiencies in both vocal and lyrics without any change in my self esteem, happiness, or confidence in my ability to make necessary improvements. Everything sounded fairly good, and even though I intend on excellent, good was enough, for the first time in a long time.
I did it! I took a step in a proverbial thousand-mile journey and kept my appointment. I stayed in the now. I didn't get sucked into the vortex of what I hadn't done making me unworthy of doing now and reaping benefits then. I showed up, and I stayed the course. I still can't stop smiling, even though I haven't forgotten how much I didn't do and how much further ahead I might have been had I done more. This is some great stuff, staying in the now.
It's too bad nobody was there filming. I'm sure those moments would have looked great on film. But as in the past, it's always just me, I have no entourage; I can't afford one. I have students who would willingly come, but their parents would probably expect me to pay for transportation; I have no car and I can't afford to rent one anymore. I'm just saying it so you'll at least know. Imagine yourself like a fly on the wall: If you had been there, you would have seen me say things that've never been said by me before. I think people should see things like that. Definitely any grandchildren I have, if I ever have any,
should.
So if you want to be that person i.e. you like my music, plus you like taking photos, or doing filming, and you're a self-sufficient adult, who doesn't need me to pay you to film me in studio, let me know. I need you to be part of my team. I have cameras and smart phones that can be used as cameras. But I can't film myself and be spontaneous, artless, natural, sincere in my expressions of thoughts about my music and how it develops. And my producer doesn't always have his (very tech-savvy) children there.
In the meantime, people, I have a producer in Tobago and I have options for producers in Trinidad. What I do not have is money. I want to pay them AND have money to eat, drink, exercise, get medical checkups, travel, and stay online. Tell the Universe for me, that I need students. At least nine. Tell the Universe I need art supplies, so I can draw and paint and sell my art. Tell the universe I need singing engagements. Tell the universe I need voice-over and radio commercial engagements. Tell the Universe that I need information and time so that I can synthesise ideas and various media to create truly and profoundly meaningful work. I am skilled and willing, so tell the Universe to arrange for my skills to be remunerated. I already told the Universe. Maybe She/He/It needs to hear more voices saying the same thing.
Gosh! I kept my appointment. Excitement. Can't wait to keep another. Universe! I need money to pay, so send some moolah my way.
Love.